Even grieving over our sick friends or families that passed away nowadays is totally different. The sick has to stay isolated; the funerals are watched streaming live; grieving has taken a new shape in this time of CoViD.
Today at my son's online class, they were asked to write down three words that describe how they feel about being in quarantine. My Little Man wrote these very descriptive words down - sad, lonely, boring. He does have playtime and weekends are free for him to do what he pleases. He gets to play online with his school friends or cousins. He can call friends he has on his phone. On nice weather days he plays basketball outside. Some days we walk together or play basketball and board games. He is an only child which does not help with this situation. Towards the end of their online class teacher asked them to show off their pet or a sibling that is in the house with them. I heard my son sadly say "I do not have neither a pet nor a sister/brother..." My heart felt that pang, that pain, that worry.... how this crisis is affecting our little children and maybe even us adults.
This past weekend one bad news after another came through my message inbox. People I know to some degree, friends of the family, people in the ministry, a few of my close friends, people I worked with and even bare acquaintances that are struck by CoViD are either in their home trying to isolate themselves or in a hospital bed working hard to recover and still others have succumbed to this deadly virus. Sadness. Grieving. Pain. All these feelings are just so raw for me at the moment.
Like King David, I have cried and utter a very personal prayer in the past few days. I come to the Lord pleading for healing for dearest friends (Ruby, Rhea and Ate Wi); I pray for comfort for families that lost a member due to CoViD (Jonathan Agot); to ministry people who are now critically ill because they chose to do their essential work as to help out in this time (Ogie Geronimo, a IEMELIF member). As I walk through our Online Bible Study aptly titled "Dangerous Prayers", the book of Psalm is continually revealing more and more about it. David's prayers are a good example of this dangerous prayers. Dangerous, not because they were daring and uttered with such eloquent words. NO! Dangerous because David spoke of his real feelings to the Lord, expressed his real, raw feelings. Yes, even his fears. As he is known to us being "the man after own God's heart" I look up to how he glorifies GOD and recall His mighty characters, how he praises Him for and even through a difficult time like defeat, scarcity, sin committed by him and the people directly against the Lord or just to seek GOD's face for a big decision to make, he never fails to go to Him in prayers...
These unprecedented times can push us to our limits to use whatever sanity we have kept hidden for the rainy days to be brought out to fight this mental and emotional warfare against an unseen enemy. I am not going to say neither "cheer up, don't worry" because I get rattled by this situation too; nor "do not be afraid" because I feel it too. These are just normal feelings as our "normal" is altered and our "being" is threatened. It is okay to feel all these different emotions but do not let them linger for long that it overtakes your daily life. Find ways to fight this battle.
A dear friend of mine, more like a sister, is in a hospital bed as I write these words fighting to breathe and not to be succumbed by this disease. She is a mother of two, a hard-working nurse, a dear friend, a very thorough mother and loving wife. Her dedication to work is the reason why she got exposed and infected by the virus. She is not critically ill but closely observed for she's been having difficulty breathing. Another colleague from a previous job is not doing so well and is in critical care, literally fighting for her life.
The stories of people affected by CoViD is everywhere. My cousin is a single mom of three beautiful girls and a full time nurse at a hospital in London. She was assigned to care for CoViD patients and after her second long day of exposure she became sick herself. Twenty days on of self-isolation in their own home, she is now just about starting to get better. Those twenty days were the worst and most agonizing days of her life so far. Isolated in a bedroom she would hear her girls knock on the door crying, most probably frightened of the state of their mom's health; longing to hug mom and care for her; wishing they can play together while mom's at home and not working. She probably got through the loneliness and emotional rollercoaster she was in by her determination to be well again to care for her girls (because there is nobody else to depend on). She kept her sanity by keeping in touch with the netizens through social media. She would post about her day to day state of health and feelings. In a way, I find it a good way to find people to support you from afar and pray for your health and situation. She found moral support from friends and families through comforting words that keep her company and take her mind away from her suffering. Today she has posted a lot of positive developments, still not fully well but able to come out of her room after 21 days and with social distancing, manage to supervise the kids with cooking, playing and other house chores. God Bless you Rhea and the girls!
PSALM 46
1 God is our refuge and strength,
a very present help in trouble.
2 Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way,
though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea,
3 though its waters roar and foam,
though the mountains tremble at its swelling. Selah
4 There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy habitation of the Most High.
5 God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved;
God will help her when morning dawns.
6 The nations rage, the kingdoms totter;
he utters his voice, the earth melts.
7 The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah
8 Come, behold the works of the Lord,
how he has brought desolations on the earth.
9 He makes wars cease to the end of the earth;
he breaks the bow and shatters the spear;
he burns the chariots with fire.
10 “Be still, and know that I am God.
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth!”
11 The Lord of hosts is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress. Selah
My husband's family in the Philippines even suffered and endured the consequences of having a loved one passing away in the midst of this global pandemic. Their family matriarch (his grandmother) was in the hospital under critical care when CoViD came to invade Manila. Unfortunately, the hospital she was in was forced to close and transfer all patients due to the spread of the virus, this meant that no other hospital wanted to accept her transfer due to fear of spreading the virus to their facility. So the family, against all odds, decided to take her home and after a full week she gave up the ghost. She passed away surrounded by most of the family. This happened in the Philippines where "stay at home" rules were a lot more stricter to the point that they have to get a special permission to allow the whole family (quite a number) to be present during the funeral. Meanwhile, all other family members who live outside the country were just following and watching over the live video stream all throughout that somber day including us here in the US.
To be honest, I think we were blessed that my husband's grandmother didn't get the virus and that they were able to give her a decent funeral. I have seen a lot of news from here and all over the world wherein the local government handles either the cremation or burial of the bodies of those infected by the disease and relatives never even get to see or claim their dead families. We have heard a lot of stories of people passing the we cannot even go to or share the mourning family's grief. We long to have personal contact with the bereaved. We want to extend our helping hand and service to those who are sick...but we can't, not for now. We can only grieve in silence and mourn in private. It is eerily inconvenient to be mourning for your loved one this way, but circumstance have found us doing a lot of things outside the box lately and sometimes it feels like it is a bit to the extreme.
Our cries are all the same wherever we are at the moment, we crave for some normalcy; we are hoping for an end to this. When will it come? When will we see the light at the end of the tunnel? When we do see it, please do not stop, keep walking towards it and keep doing what we are asked to do because we will only get to that end faster if we are all keeping healthy and safe.
I have said this before and I will remind you all again, when this is all over our normal might not be the same "normal" we were used to be, so let us brace for what is to come with loads of grace and stronger faith. Mourning and grieving are hard, but now it is much harder... more painful....but we will get through this if we keep our eyes on JESUS.
Today, I challenge you to read and pray the words of PSALM 46 (posted above) and be bold with your prayers, be sincere, be real with God. HE is listening. HE is always there. HE is our ever present help in time of trouble (Psalm 46:1), even through our mourning and grieving.
/DEEend/
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