“I think I could.”
Have you had that opposing feeling of excitement to do something and yet hesitant to thread new waters, even with just dipping the very tip of your toe? I have had many feelings like this and it seems to get worse as my age advances? Does it have anything to do with aging? LOL! I remember when I was, say 10-15 years younger, if I am offered a promotion I'll grab it; if I'm asked to do something for the church ministry I will diligently comply. Nowadays, even after much thought that I have made up my mind I still feel a certain degree of hesitation when I am faced by a challenge.
I have been a bit braver this year. I have tried venturing into new things. I have cheered myself up and kept chanting like "The Little Engine That Could" and repeatedly say - "I think I can. I think I can. I thought I could! I thought I could!" I want to explore and at the same time improve my skills. I would also love to know how far it can get me to and how can I use them for a better purpose. I wanted to challenge myself by doing things that pushes to bring out the best in me. I want to get involved with something that is worth my while.
This year, as you are all reading and hopefully subscribed to by now, I have ventured into blogging and fearlessly started this thread of "MY SUNDAY THOUGHTS". I have always wanted to write, but write about what? So I braved the unknown world of blogging and here I am with my 14th blog post here.....
I joined a Book Launch Team
Aside from blogging, I have tried something new (hopefully honing my writing skills into ultimately writing books!)...I joined a Book Launch Team! After giving it much thought and prayer, I signed up to be part of a Book Launch Team. A team I have never met and never work with before. One thing is sure, I do love to read and it seems fitting, because the most important thing I will need to do is to read the book first, then join the conversation, follow the launch team tasks, post a review and share the book!
Easy, right?
This is where I really felt conflicted, I was very curious about being part of a Launch Team and learn a new thing or two, but at the same time reluctant to apply because I do not have a daughter (as the title says). Oh yes, I am a mom but to a very "highly emotional boy" (that's according to my son). I couldn't settle down especially seeing all of Maria's invitation to join her Launch Team on her Instagram. So I braved the waters and asked her if I can join, being a daughter myself first, then a mother second and mentioned that I do not have a daughter. She was very accommodating. And so I decided to join the Launch Team for the "Confident Moms, Confident Daughters" (CMCD) book.
Suddenly, I was totally frightened by the thought that...at the end of the launch I will need to write a Book Review! (what did I get myself into?) That sounds like a challenge, and didn't I just said I wanted one and so I here I am.
You know what helped? Kaitlyn Bouchillon, our Launch Team Leader, was really great. She orchestrated the whole thing. She had instructions as clear as daylight for every launch task each day. She is very appreciative of what everyone has done and shared. She is also a very good cheerleader, pulling us all together towards one goal: to promote Maria's book.
Now that I have finished the whole book, read and took notes, I am ready to try another new thing....to WRITE A BOOK REVIEW...and THIS IS A FIRST! (I included my Good Reads review down below)
The book and the author.
Here we go folks, so the book I read was by Maria Furlough entitled "CONFIDENT MOMS, CONFIDENT DAUGHTERS". This book officially came out on August 20. Maria hails from Connecticut but now living in North Carolina where she serves as a teacher to the Women's Bible Study. She was a Youth Pastor for quite some time wherein she was able to shepherd and counsel a lot of growing girls. She is married to an awesome husband and mother to one amazing daughter and three ridiculously fun boys. She is also a blogger and the author of "Breaking the Fear Cycle."
Maria mentioned in her book that she was initially inspired by all these girls that she ministered to especially listening to their problems, their growing pains, their struggles and insecurities that they wouldn't even tell their moms. It took her more than a decade to finish the book as she wanted to experience becoming a mother herself; raise her daughter according to God's word and go through this experience with her. She wanted so much for her daughter to grow up and not go through the insecurities that she went through. Her daughter is now 11. She opened her book with her own experience as a daughter growing up with struggles that she hoped her parents especially her mother had taken interest into earlier on. On this book, she was very open and true to her testimony of her ups and downs and everything in between.
Moms pursuing Godly confidence.
Most chapters of the book talks about a growing girl's worst struggle in different forms and sizes: INSECURITY! A distorted self-image made worst by all this social media culture that is ever present and so on their face. The book talks about how mothers can take an active role to model Godly confidence to their daughters; how a mom's story can actually inspire their own daughters to grow sure of themselves and see themselves in the beauty of our Lord.
Like the book's subtitle, Helping Your Daughter Live Free from Insecurity and Love How She Looks, this is a guide for mothers or any other women who has influence to younger girls to first learn to gain Godly confidence and secondly to affect and help daughters live their lives as confident Christ followers. It is a book made for moms as they walk alongside their daughters. Her main purpose really was to be intentional in becoming a role model in words and actions to her own daughter, thereby practicing Godly confidence.
Maria was being real when she wrote on page 18, "We are the confidence standards in our homes. We set the tone and the example of what confidence looks like. Whether we like it or admit it, our daughters notice everything we do, and we are their best hope for confidence." How we speak and how we act in front of our children is how they will learn such skills. She mentioned in one of her podcast interview that she kept three things in mind as she approach how to be a confident mom, that is, with understanding, empathy and grace.
One thing Maria encourages moms to do is to share her own story with their daughters, the same age it happened to them as their daughter is now. These mom stories can be your story of success, challenges in growing up, relationships or how you faced and tackled them. She put a big emphasis on her own struggle with body image that brought her insecurities and what it can do to her own daughter. This became her driving force in finishing this book.
And yes, she didn't just present the problems or shared her struggles growing up as a daughter and being a Mom too. She shared some fundamental and practical guidelines on how moms can help their young and growing girls face and handle issues and their greatest fear when they are faced with it. This book she hopes can really start the conversation about insecurities and how Christ-followers can help model a life with Christ to these younger generation. Also included are conversations she had with professionals who are also Christ followers. She felt that these are very important topics that moms should know with regards to raising children, especially girls. She sat down with a pediatrician, a nutritionist, someone who struggled with an eating disorder, a counselor, a fitness trainor and a good friend. She really asked them how we, as Jesus Christ followers, can be intentional in modeling how we should live with godly confidence.
This book is really like a handy manual, an instruction guide, a Mom's go-to for help that she has compiled from years of working with teen girls at church and then eventually becoming a mother herself. Maria gave concrete examples on her book, based on her own life choices, on topics like 'how she treat her food, how she treat mirrors, how words are chosen carefully at home or how she treats physical activity.' These, she said are her personal values and choices, it is really up to her readers how they dig and decide for themselves. What Maria wanted moms like me to see and learn from the pages of this book, is how mothers (who have been daughters before), can identify their own insecured behaviors, practices and words and therefore help her daughter focus and find her value in Christ too.
Social issues like body image, social media, peer pressure, eating disorder, and communication are some of the most common and pressing issues most daughters face everyday. But how did Maria discover what godly confidence is? What really is godly confidence? Where did she base her Godly confidence framework?
She has quoted Proverbs 31:10-31 and called it Biblical beauty. She described this chapter as "a list of the kind of beauty that we do want to obsess over and aim for". From this beautiful passage, she created her own "True Beauty List" and together with it a True Beauty Quiz that moms and daughters can do together. When you pray for your daughters make it personal, pray from this passage for your daughters to aim for Biblical beauty. Maria also left moms a challenge in these words...
"But what if every day we practiced choosing to be beautiful? What if in our homes and in our own lives, we and our daughters began to take control over the things of beauty that are ours to control?" - Maria Furlough, CMCD
At the end of each chapter she also included some special sections to further help and focus our intentionality. There is a "Mom's Challenge" that encourages moms to practice what they learned and a few "Discussion Questions" that moms can do with their daughters in whichever creative way they think is best. What I love about the questions is that it directly addresses young girls' issues and lead them to the Scripture for help and answers. Another special section at the end of every chapter is "A Mom's Prayer". It helps reflect back on what you have read and ask GOD to help and lead moms and daughters to face things equipped with God's word and strength.
My Book Review on Goodreads.
Become a student of your children.
What did I get out of reading this book? A chapter I really loved was entitled "Beauty from the Ashes" written by Maria's Mom. This book can be so personal for the reader. It felt so raw that sometimes I feel like, 'I've been in Maria's shoes as a younger woman', 'I had those same feelings and insecurities' and 'I feel for her mom as I am like that'.
I love the chapter that her own mother wrote. She was so vulnerable writing it down knowing that Maria clearly stated that she grew up wanting and craving for her mother's attention and a close relationship with her; and that things did not change until she was in her 20s (after she had a relationship with Jesus). Now that they are serving together in the ministry, her mother realized a lot of her shortcomings during Maria's growing years....and with that realization she was able to give very practical and helpful tips for us christian mothers that we could apply in raising our children whether you have a son or a daughter. They (Maria and her mother) have since forgiven each other and mended and rebuilt their relationship and now they are serving together as Jesus followers. Just how beautiful their story has evolved. It is not too late for some of us to rewrite our story with our own mothers and daughters. Maria also said that if we raise them well according to God's standard of confidence, in the long-term our daughters will benefit more.
"When I allowed God's grace to fall on me, it was easier to extend it to Maria. Our daughters are looking to us to see what forgiveness looks like. They might not say it but they are watching." - Maria's mom
Like Maria, her mom has her own mom story, not until later in her life that she had a real personal relationship with her Savior that she was able to identify her baggage and lift it all up to the Lord; that she and Maria were able to reconcile and manage to live as confident mom and daughter. She identified her own story, recognized the baggage that was weighing her down and brought it to the Lord, then the building of a godly confident mom begun...It might be a different situation for you and your daughter but hopefully you can learn something from here to develop a godly confidence in you both.
Another great advice from Maria is to "Become a student of your child" meaning let us spend more time to know them, observe what ticks them off and what makes them happy. Noticing them sometimes is all they need, that's why they do what they do. Maria's mom didn't realize that when Maria was "shouting in silence", it was really for attention and love. Don't get me wrong, I am a mom too, and just like Maria's mom she desperately wanted to be the best mom she can be. Her mom said that the change actually happened when "God got hold of me and began teaching me about how He sees me" not for what she thought of herself. Remember, unless we identify our own issues as moms, then we won't be able to open up to our children. If we have Jesus and live everyday looking more like Him then our lives can point our children to Him.
Maria's mom wrote a whole chapter of advice for moms who are raising young girls. She wanted to share what she hoped she knew then...but her testimony can be a great help for you now. She gave quite a few but the one I love the most and I am now applying myself is PRAYING FOR MY SON. It sounded so common that we hear it everywhere, every time from everyone, don't we? Maybe you can make a difference by actually doing it! Maria's mom had a few suggestion up her sleeve. When her kids were young, she would literally come to their bedroom and lay her hands over them in prayer while they were sleeping. You can start using the Mom's Prayers that Maria wrote at the end of each chapter. She also loves using the scripture in prayer and personalizing it for her kids. I feel and believe that these makes our prayer stronger and more intentional this way. Try it out, there is nothing to lose, but more to gain. Let us not disregard the power of prayer especially for our beloved children who are exposed out into the world everyday. Let us equip them with our prayers.
A confident daughter's narrative.
Maria and her mom have a better relationship now, it might have developed later in their lives but this was for a purpose. God led them to that moment in their life. Meanwhile, Maria also asked her daughter to write something that she can include in her book. As I finish this blog, I am leaving you with part of her daughter's narrative. I love how in this very simple narrative I felt overwhelmingly blessed by them both. I hope you would grab a copy and enjoy reading it. As I have mentioned in my book review above, I do not have a daughter but this book is a great help for anybody raising a child.
"Daughter: I put on my favorite dress and shoes, but before I left I found myself taking a look around my room. ...and then a Bible verse caught my eye. Proverbs 31:25: 'She is clothed with strength and dignity.'
I read it, left the room, and closed the door.
"Mom: ... my eye caught the Bible verse on the mirror. Proverbs 31:25: 'She is clothed with strength and dignity.' Then I remembered, I was perfect just the way I was. I thought, I am beautiful.
I walked into the hallway and saw my daughter walking toward me.
----- An excerpt from the narrative written by Faith Furlough, Maria's daughter.
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