A personal reflection on the book "COUNTER CULTURAL PARENTING".
A BOOK
Have you joined a resistance before? How about being part of a movement? Or what if we talk about REVIVAL? Please do not be put off, I am not part of those you see out in the streets or in the news on TV protesting and destroying our communities. I am just a mother learning how to live a life that can point my son back to Jesus throughout his growing years. I am talking about this new movement of parents going against the moral standard of this world: going counter cultural as a christian parent.
I am simply talking about this great book I have finished reading called "COUNTER CULTURAL PARENTING" by Lee Nienhuis. Lee is a mother, a Bible teacher, a prayerful mom and a host of two podcasts ("Moms in Prayer Podcast" and "The Martha and Mary Show") that I follow. This is her second book on parenting or raising God-fearing children. On my Amazon review I said that this is "The Best Parenting Book Ever!", because IT IS!
A MOVEMENT
Lee presented 'counter cultural movement' in a diagram and that picture is stuck in my mind probably forever. Her definition in the book states this: "counterculture involves a small group of people immersed in a larger culture with values, behavior, and rules of engagement differing greatly from their own." Her diagram showed this big circle that represents the “majority culture” and then inside this big circle is a smaller (really tiny one compared to the enormous circle, hence majority) circle now representative of the “minority subculture.” This subgroup is moving towards the opposite direction of the majority trying very hard to resist what they see as injustice. For me counterculture means going against the grain, against the normal, against the flow, against the majority.
Are we being subersive thinking counter culturally? NO! of course not! As Christ followers, we ought to follow the authority of our Creator, our Sovereign God first of all. Like Christian parents we are, we want to raise children of integrity and for us to do this we will teach them a set of values totally opposite from what this world dictates, what the majority practices and so we act counter culturally. When we come together, move together towards a common goal (i.e. raising Christ followers) and therefore 'trigger a dramatic cultural change' then we start a "REVIVAL"!
A REVIVAL
What comes to your mind when you hear the word Revival? Tents, multitudes of people gathered in one place, Billy Graham or Jimmy Swaggart, lots of singing, praying and preaching? Yes, that is a revival. And yet, there are some other forms of it. This kind of revival that Lee talked about on her book was the kind that "radically shapes the world", that we as revivalist becomes world changers or great influencers.
Lee pointed out that the common point between a historical and biblical revival is: PRAYER! So as counter cultural parents and revivalists, we have to adhere to dedicated times of prayer for our children and for our family. Lee emphasized what revivalists parents need to keep doing so that we can reach that critical mass of our counter cultural parenting. That we need to keep praying for revival; teach our children as early as possible about God, His righteousness and the power of His Word; and most especially, revival must start within us (parents). It must start in our own homes. Pretty basic but not simple.
I think I can sense a question coming...are you asking why do we need a revival? all the more a counter cultural movement in parenting? Let me ask you, have you not noticed how and where this world is heading to and taking us to? It is a grim future for our children if we just follow the crowd. A very lame principle to say "If you can't beat them, join them."
Have you given it much thought of what might your son's or daughter's life be like in ten years? What kind of world your children will be in when they get older and on their own? Will my children be able to stand against the pull of this secular world and be a witness for Christ?
A PARENTING LESSON
As soon as I saw Lee Nienhuis post with a picture of this book, I just knew I had to read it. I wanted to be a good mom (like most of you do). I wanted to raise a Jesus follower. I wanted to equip my son before I let him go out 'into the wild'.
When I was still single and living with my parents, I would usually have a heartfelt talk with my Mom, I used to joke around about asking her to raise and discipline my children-to-be to make sure they turn out alright and grow with fear of the Lord. A joke then, but felt like a hard truth when I finally became a mom myself. Bringing out a child into this world is way easier than caring for them especially at this day and age.
I felt I turned out alright. I was raised in the church; pampered with love of a congregation of believers; prayed over everyday; nurtured in worship; and fed with GOD’s Word everyday. What else can I ask for? Not until I went off to university that “this world" has truly shocked me and I felt afraid being alone out there without my dad and mom. The world seems way bigger than I thought and I am left to make decisions for myself everyday and tasked to live a life worthy of being called a child of GOD. I did survive but it was a struggle with my inner self to be able to resist temptations. I did fall for some and I am not denying it. If it was a struggle to live out in this wild world when you are ready and equipped, how much harder would it be to survive without any preparation at all?
Today, I am a mom myself, I am very thankful that my mom and dad were counter cultural parents then, brought me up and equipped me with the "full armor of GOD" (Ephesians 6:10-20). I am indeed very thankful Lord for my parents and of course I am trying my best to be one for my son.
How do we become counter cultural parents? The first step is very basic. We need to set an example. The change and character building needs to start within us. We have to set an example in our speech, conduct (life), love, faith, and purity. Then it grows into our own home.
And so as I go through what I am honestly learning and actively praying to be a counter cultural parent are embodied in this very powerful verse used by our author as a basis for building our children's character and integrity. The Bible verse I am talking about is -
"Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity." 1 Timothy 4:12 (NIV)
Let us look at some take-away's from this great Parenting Book! I am praying to be a Counter Cultural Parent and at the same time build a Godly character on my dear child.
COUNTER CULTURAL PARENTING is really modeling to our children the character we want to build in them. Two main things I learned from reading this book are: (1) Be a role model for my child and (2) Be a REVIVALIST! start a commotion, a movement until we can all make a change! I know they are not easy tasks, neither are they overnight do-overs. It takes a long process probably the whole first 18 years of my Little Man's life (for which I barely have eight years left). But I am willing to endure warring on my knees in prayer, to work hard being a role model, to saturate in the Word of God and to learn to let go of the reign trusting GOD to work through and in my Little Man's life from now until he grows old.
BIBLE VERSES FROM THE BOOK that have encouraged character building in me and for my child.
.... IN SPEECH.
"Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person." -Colossians 4:6
.... IN CONDUCT (in life).
"And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up." - Galatians 6:9
.... IN FAITH.
"But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God." - Acts 20:24
... IN LOVE.
"(Love)does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." -1 Corinthians 13:5-7
... IN PURITY.
"Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.9 What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you." -Philippians 4:8-9
Together with this book comes a "Character Quiz" that parents can do for each of your children. I did mine and the results are based on the characters mentioned on 1 Timothy 4:12 such us speech, conduct (life), love, faith, and purity. When you take the quiz it is followed by a 5-day e-mail from Lee to talk us through the results of the quiz and what we should do next as counter cultural parents.
For my Little Man, I have to focus on teaching and guiding him with his speech and growing vocabulary. I admit, I let him off too much with video games and you tube. I can actually put the blame on the CoViD-19 pandemic for staying home for the length of time not being able to do his summer sports and time with friends, but aren't we all in the same storm just on different boats? And I graciously admit my fault as a mom.
As I have shared my story earlier, I want to tell you two of my mom's most favorite family verses she would always recite to me growing up (actually even up to now). The first one is Matthew 6:33 "But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." and Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." Day in and day out my mom will recite these verses to me. I have a question about my teenage life? These verses comes out with the advise she gives me. I ask for help on something, I will be reminded of these words. Given permission to go out with friends, she sends me off with these verses. And so I totally believe what Lee said "Counter Cultural parents must be saturated in the Word so they know how to direct their children." So true, for me to teach my child how to use words properly, how to control his tongue and how to worship God Almighty with the same tongue is to train him with God's Word. Scripture memorization is something that we have committed to doing this year. He has risen up to the occasion but will need continuous prompting.
It is still so much like when he was a toddler, "what monkey sees, monkey does". So proves the line from Chapter 4, "Counter cultural parenting involves good coaching, not just good discipline." Like in basketball, the coach 'shows' the kids the skill they need to learn. He shows the step by step move and then leads them how to incorporate it in their game. This is the same with parenting, as we go about our day by day chores, disciplines, and teaching opportunities we have to seize the moment. This book has taught me a lot about being a parent, a christian parent that is.
One thing I really would want to practice at home with my Little One is to try "to be as excited about my child doing the right than when doing wrong". And the positive reinforcement looks and sounds like this: "You look a whole like Jesus now. I am so proud of you!" Believe me there are days that I find myself biting my tongue so I won't have to shout or say something nasty...instead I reserve my voice for a much awaited compliment when he deserves it.
Another nugget of wisdom that stick to me is that we need to practice that "I am not surprised" face. This comes when we are talking to our children about sensitive things or teaching them on purity. The "I am not surprised" face is for when the time comes our children ask us something very personal or private. We need to don this face, a non-reactional; no sign of 'emotion change' look so that we can gain our kids trust into telling us EVERYTHING. To listen to them with non-judgmental attitudes; to be able to process the situation before making a conclusion or suggesting a solution. "Children trust us (parents)". Ooh, I love that!
"Teaching our kids how to self-govern" might be the hardest so far. For me, I feel like it will be hard for me to loosen the hold on his reign. (I am sounding like a helicopter mom saying this) but we need to learn to do this because whether we like it or not they will have wings of their own and fly. I believe that this book's point is for us to equip them early so that when it is time to let go of them out into the world they will be ready for the worst. Word of God and prayers, that is how we can build their character coupled with parents role modeling our Jesus journey to them.
There is so much I have learned and trying hard to practice and apply them to my own parenting skills, and I tell you we need a lot of prayers and grace to even be close to perfect. Remember, we can never be perfect. We are all sinners to begin with, but our Gracious and Loving Father sacrificed His own son for the forgiveness of our sins so that we can be righteous in Him. So let us teach and show this truth of salvation to our children (no matter how young they are). Let them know that we are all sinners, but if we believe and repent, come humbly to our Father and ask for forgiveness then He will forgive us, become new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17) and be called children of GOD.
Praying the scriptures over our kids is something that I want to be intentional about. During our Book Launch time with Lee on this same book, she shared and released this "Character Calendar" where we can intentionally pray for our kids everyday on a specific character and a Bible passage to pray it with. When we pray according to His will we actually ask God for our children "to grow and develop godly character". Each day we can focus on a particular character. When your month is done, just repeat it all over again. (Though, Lee, our author, did promise to come out with a Character Calendar for a whole year. Watch the space!) What could be more effective than using GOD's Word to pray, right? So why don't you print the Character Calendar now, open your Bible to the scripture for today and get down our knees to pray for our children one by one.
In conclusion, besides the fact that this is a really GOOD BOOK, it basically tells us what we already know...that to be a counter cultural parent is "to practice what we preach" in speech, in conduct (life), in faith, in love and in purity" but obviously needs to be reminded every time. To be an agent of change and character first, to be a role model to our children everyday, to train them using God's Word, to constantly pray the scripture over them as they grow, to teach them about GOD as early as possible (they learned algebra and geometry way earlier than we did why not a bit of Theology, right?), to be able to admit that there is a problem we need to address with our kids and that if we leave it unattended it will grow out of proportions. Teaching our kids God's character is essential too. For them to know our Loving Father is gracious, merciful, just and sovereign but we can come to Him directly with anything.
Imagine a growing number of Jesus followers doing parenting counter culturally, making big waves of change and shaping our kids' future according to God's Word and His plans with our children leading the future living as image bearers of Jesus Christ and sharing the gospel to everyone...REVIVAL is in sight...but this all starts at our own HOME!
A PRAYER.
Chapter 8 was dedicated to "Praying for Character" and I have found myself relating to this prayer pleading to our Lord God to work in and through my son's life. I so long to be a counter cultural parent, but without the guidance of His Word and the power of prayer, I will not succeed. Let us lift our hearts in prayer and ask Him what we need the most: a disciplined heart to saturate in God's Word and pray everyday for our children, then let us pray this together...
"Father, I run to You in desperation today, and I'm so grateful that You hear me when I call. I struggle to make prayer for my child the priority it should be in my life. Will You teach me to cultivate a habit of prayer? Give me faith to believe that You hear and will answer on my behalf. I turn to You as the giver of all good gifts and ask that You would grow in my child a heart that seeks You and an inward nature that is pleasing to You. I ask in the name of Jesus, Amen." ["Counter Cultural Parenting" by Lee Nienhuis, Chapter 8, page 121.]
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